


letters from europe

by murderousnerves



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Bisexual Maya Hart, Future, Hidden Feelings, Letters, Light Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-09 01:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7781209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murderousnerves/pseuds/murderousnerves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One summer, Maya Hart decides to travel around Europe on her own. Everyone she's ever loved receives a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	letters from europe

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this thing in less than two days, because honestly i just fell in love with writing it. maya's a very interesting and complex character, and i wanted to explore her without the restraints of kids' tv, and so this older version of her was born in my mind and i figured she probably had a lot to say to everyone.
> 
> i truly hope you enjoy.

**i.**

Riley,

I try not to think about the future too much, but maybe that's my weakness. Never thought that I was the kind of person to even  _ have  _ a future. I don't know, maybe that sounds stupid, but I've been dwelling on the past for far too long. When you have a life like mine, that's all you can do. There was a time where I couldn't even think about what was gonna happen after middle school — then it passed and suddenly we were in high school, and I'm a big girl now who's gotta start looking forward, because my neck's starting to ache from looking back all the time.

You're part of that, I think. Not in a bad way. 

Remember when you decided to fix up your room? I was terrified. That bay window was the best thing I ever had, and you tore down the wallpaper and changed the curtains and it felt like pieces of me were being ripped out too, the good parts of my childhood. And you were forcing me to think about what was gonna happen to me, what was gonna happen to us, like you were taking my head in both hands and making me stare the future right in the face. Now that I think about it, I'm glad you did that. I mean, it was so violent I thought you were gonna break my skull, but I'm still glad. I needed it. I'm always gonna need you to do stuff like that for me. I've been facing this civil war inside myself alone for too long, and if anyone is gonna call it off, or at least stand beside me while I'm still fighting, I'm glad it's you.

You give me hope, Riley Matthews. That's not something I could say to just anybody. You're completely filled with it, and it makes you warm. And I don't think you understand how much it means to everybody. You give me hope, and I don't shake the way I used to. Just last year I woke up in a cold sweat, and I climbed out my window and took a walk through the city because in New York, nobody cares why you're walking by yourself at two in the morning. Anyway, I passed by your place. Let me tell you, just knowing you were in there warmed me up. Just knowing you were asleep, nothing bothering you, nobody giving you shit for anything, it made me have hope. 

Here's the thing: you're golden, darling. Maybe not to everyone, but you're definitely golden for me. And I'd walk the whole world twice over to prove it to you. 

  
  


**ii.**

Mom,

This one time when I was nine or ten, I forget, I considered packing up and running away as soon as I could. I pictured it all—what I would pack, how I would sneak out, where my destination would be. And it’s all a little hazy now, since I shook the idea out of my head as soon as I realised the sacrifices you made for us, but I remember wanting to run to Dad, just for a little while. That seems crazy to me now. I know you still want me to forgive him, and I’m working on it. I really am. But you see, it still hurts, there’s still a wound inside of me that I can’t seem to patch up, and everyone always said that time heals you but it still keeps bursting open. And I blame him for that. I used to blame you, but I don’t think I could blame you for anything ever again.

In kindergarten they used to make us draw pictures of our family, and I would cry whenever Maggie Berkovic who sat next to me drew a neat little picture of a mother, a father, a little brother, and a dog. She was so perfect; you know? And I felt like my family was embarrassing, because it was practically non-existent. So I’d draw Riley and her parents, too, as well as you. And I got in trouble for that. But God, something felt complete when I did. I was drawing something I believed in. So, and I think you’ll understand, there’s different types of families. You’re first in every sense of the word.

I miss you, a lot. The first thing I did when I got to Paris was go to the Eiffel Tower, and I thought about how you would have loved it. I hope you get it when I say I had to do this myself. If there was anyone else around me, I don’t think I would be able to think straight, and I’m not having that anymore. I’ve thought clearly for the first time in a while, and it’s incredible. I swear, Mom, all that New York air was messing with my head. Europe smells different, brand new. And I’m praying to every God I know of that when I come home, I’ll be brand new, too.

  
  


**iii.**

Lucas,

I’m not trying to stir up any trouble between you and your girl, but I wanna take you back to that campfire for a second. We were so innocent then, just kids ready to eat the world raw, one million stars raining down over our heads. You held my cheeks so sweet and true. I was drunk on it for weeks after, and Riley was hurting but I couldn’t see that. All I could see was you. All I could feel was your warm hands on the sides of my head. You held my heart in your hands too, but I bet you anything that you didn’t know that.

It’s better now, I promise. You and Riley are meant to be together—always have been, always will be. And I love her more than anything in the world, and really, that’s why I’m writing all this shit down, because I swear to God if you break her heart… I don’t even know what I’ll do. But you know it’s not gonna be pretty.

Hey, tell me something. Is it possible to be in love with two people at once? Because I have my guy now, but—and don’t tell her this—I loved your girl, too. She’s the purest of pure. Can you keep that a secret? I know she’d never feel it for me, but all those nights where we were both pining for you, I think I might have been pining for her, too. You’re the same person on the inside, Lucas, made of all the same stuff. I’m glad you’ve got each other. I think we made the right choices in the end, because I can’t tell you what I would have done if things didn’t turn out the same. It’s perfect now, or damn near close.

I got my guy, you got your girl, and I have her too. Maybe not in the way I once wanted, but that’s okay with me. I still got her, and that’s the most important thing. Love is more complicated than I thought it would be.

And it’s easier to write this down than say it out loud, but I loved you once. I really did.

 

**iv.**

Josh,

Sometimes, you really fucking drive me crazy. In a good way. I’m scared, I guess, because my dad was three years older than my mom and we always seem to miss each other. We’re two ships that pass in the dead of night. I’m in middle school, you’re in high school. I’m in high school, you’re in college. I’m in Europe, you’re back at home in that crappy little apartment and I would give anything to be there back there with you, kissing your forehead when you get sleepy, making coffee at ridiculous hours of the morning to help you with a deadline, taking the subway home the next day with the dopiest grin on my face.

Don’t get me wrong; I love it here. I already told my mom this, but the air feels brand new, not as dirty. There must be as many cars in these European cities as there are in New York, but I feel more myself while I’m here. I sleep better here than I ever did in my room at home, but that’s not hard. It’s hard to sleep with all that weight I had on my back, and maybe I’m never gonna get over it, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try. 

Jesus fucking Christ, I miss you so bad. You're not just my someday, you're my forever, you understand me? That's how I feel, that's how I’m always gonna feel for you. And I have got so much hope that you feel the same way for me. Do you remember when you kissed me, the day I turned eighteen? I swear my hands were sweating so bad that I was too scared to touch you, and goddamn, I wanted to touch you. Did you wanna touch me? 

You know, it's funny, I wasn't expecting you on my eighteenth. It was raining, you remember, and we were all at your brother’s apartment eating cake and watching some lame movie like we did when we were kids, and Auggie nearly screamed when he heard the door go, because the movie was just getting to the good bit. So Topanga opened the door and there you were, drenched in rain, like in a crappy romance. I nearly laughed at how ridiculous it was, but maybe it was because I never thought my life was gonna turn out like that. You bought me flowers, and usually shit like that would make me wanna throw them back in your face, but you were just so sincere with your hair all wet and sticking to your face that I took the flowers and kept them in my room, even after they died out. I was wondering when we were gonna die out, too, when you would figure out that I’m just a broken little girl, three years younger than you, and you'd drop me like that. You haven't. I love you for that. 

Anyway, back to my birthday. Riley got everyone to clear out of the living room, and it was just you and me, and your brother wasn't all too happy about it. And you said something like, “I guess we’re now in those six weeks where I’m only two years older than you.” And I said, “Are we gonna hold hands?” You smiled, and Jesus Christ if it wasn't one of the best smiles I ever saw, and you said, “Maybe later.” And you kissed me, pressed your mouth right against mine and your breath was warm in my mouth and it travelled all through me, warming my insides. Then your forehead was against mine and we were both practically gasping for some air, and all I can remember is wondering if you could hear my thoughts buzzing one million miles an hour because of how tightly your forehead was pressing on me. And then you said happy birthday, your voice all breathless and deep, and I fell in love so quickly I didn't know what to do with myself. 

I think you're it for me. You drive me fucking crazy sometimes, Josh Matthews, but I’d be lying if I said I didn't like it.

 

  
**v.**

Shawn,

The day you asked my mom to marry you, I was the happiest I've ever been. Don't think I'll even be that happy if somebody asks me to marry them someday. It kinda felt like the last ten years of my life had been leading up to that moment, you know? Like I'd been rolling along, a steady track that had stomach-turning drops but also exhilarating highs, and finally I reached the end of my ride. You're that for me, and I hope that doesn't scare you off or anything. Hey, you'd have to be a pretty big douchebag to break an already broken girl.

Maybe I'm not broken anymore. Maybe you fixed me. Actually, scratch that—I'm not gonna put that all on you, that's unfair. I think everyone had a hand in it, and I pulled myself off the ground pretty good, too. Riley, of course, she's been trying to fix me up since day one. Maybe it hasn't always worked, but at least she's tried. And Cory and Topanga were parents to me when I felt like I didn't have any at all. Lucas, of course, and Farkle and Zay and Isadora. I don't even have to mention Josh - you already know, and you told me once you didn't wanna hear the details of me and Josh. I swear, I nearly passed out from laughing so hard when you said that. It was hysterical.

But look, I'm writing to you because I love you. You're a father to me, you know that, and it's the best feeling in the whole goddamn world to know that you're back there worrying about me, like a dad would worry about his daughter. I've never had that before. Or maybe I have, but I never felt it.

Here's to you, kid. How's it feel to save a girl's life? You must be feeling pretty good about yourself right about now, I bet, reading this all smug and arrogant, probably gonna call Cory and tell him about how you got meaning in your life now. Either that or you're packing up all your shit, ready to split, because Jesus Christ, your daughter is crazy. I'm willing to bet you're not, though. I'm someone you're fond of, remember? And I don't think you scare that easy. 

I'm serious when I say I love you, though. You better be living your life properly while I'm away, or I swear to God I'm gonna kick your ass, Shawn Hunter. You better be eating well, doing what you love, being around the people you live. God knows you deserve it. I think we both do.

 

**vi.**

~~Dad~~  Kermit,

I know you’re waiting for forgiveness, but I was waiting a long time, too. I don’t know if you’re ever gonna get it, at least not from me.

But I need to tell you—I've forgiven myself, and that's the most important thing.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave a comment or something, and check out my tumblr: rilayahartthews.tumblr.com


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